Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
