so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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