There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
