I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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