Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
