it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
