people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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