I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
