It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
