I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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