I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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