She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
