Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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