I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
