I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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