he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
