We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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