he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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