i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
