You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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