Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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