Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
my liver is dry heaving
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
