3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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