she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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