No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
