I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
