You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
