I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize