Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
