I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
