We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize