no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
