i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
