i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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