sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I need to sanitize my soul.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
