i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
