Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
