3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
