The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
