disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
