I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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