Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
