We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
and you fell through a lawn chair
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize