What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
