May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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