were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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