I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
