i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
