Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
