im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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