she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
