Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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