she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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