Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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