we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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