Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
All the doctor said was why
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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