Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
