I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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