'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
