i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
