So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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