i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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