just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
