My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think I won the penis lottery.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize