Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
