if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
