He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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