physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
