glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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