he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
