I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
