Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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